Sunday, October 26, 2008

Inflaming insult

Inflaming insult
I wrote about humiliation and I encountered insult. Humiliation was the result of superiority complexes and discriminatory behaviour which usually had subduing adverse effects on the recipient. Insult on the contrary could come from anyone superior, subordinate or coordinate or even a stranger. Insult usually has a provoking effect and leads to dramatic scenes . The kind I enacted today. I was fuming and returned the shit with shit. This is contrary to my basic nature which I feel is all about sensible solutions . But I could not stick to it instead I did anger replacement. The reason I resorted to it because the person who insulted me was definitely subordinate and made a completely mannerless and defiant display of words. Though not abusive in nature but with the subtality that equated me to somebody worthless. Initially I ignored the behaviour but could not take the repetition. I did something which I definitely don’t feel proud about but anger took the better of me. For the past hour I was trying to rationalize my behaviour . Though mine was a very natural reaction . Still I felt that being so openly vocal about negative feelings never served any purpose . Most of the times it effected me adversely. Not in terms of some counter- action from the person but as it disturbed me a lot later on . It did the same today.Why did I lose all sensible rationality that I secretly feel proud about? How can I react to situations like these so that I convey my authority without losing calm? How do I solve situations without harming myself? Am I a pseudosensible? Why do I rationalize my doings ? The great thing is that at the end of this article I may come up with a positive sensible statement. How futile!
I intend to find a solution today that no insult can threaten my authority and personality and I don’t need to resort to primitive behaviour. My reaction was also a refusal to take non- sense and in those terms I was definitely right to act . The only thing I want from myself that I should react in a way that it gives me a strong ground and does not disturb me after the action is over.

Humming beyond humilition

Saurav Ganguly finally decided to take retirement from his cricketing career. This most successful test cricket captain of the country went through pretty troubled and controversial times in the recent past. The various forms of humilation he had been subjected to made him finally quit something he loved to do. All he hopes now is to have a decent exit. I relate with Saurav on the humiliation part and understand what humiliation can do to a person psychologically ,especially the talented and successful ones.

         While appreciation is like the caring sunlight under which the seeds sprout, flowers blossom and fruits ripen. Discouragement is like a dense cloud that shrouds the sun . Still this cloud has a silver lining and the chinks in the cloud would let the sun in sometimes. Keeping the hope alive. Demoralization is like dense clouds covering the sky and raining hard making it impossible for the sun to get in. Humiliation on the other hand is something that negates the validity of the seeds , the potential of the flowers and worth of the fruits. It sucks  the inner strength of the seed  leaving it  with an echo of  painful emptiness. The inner sense of worth is murdered .  The dead do not hope.The dead parts of body always necrose and shed off.So after being humiliated for a long long time one cannot expect to stay the same.Deep injuries heal by  ugly scars but most heidious is a mind scarred by memories of humiliation.

           However the beautiful  thing is that time heals all scars and as long as the soul is true .No amount of external psychological torture can disintegrate a strong willed spirit. Humiliation in essence stems from  a false belief of an intolerant person or group.They strongly attack the mental and emotional strength of another person in pursuit of this false belief . The greatest example that comes in my mind is the incident that transformed an Indian lawyer to become the torch bearer of the Indian independence movement. The bitterness of being denied a first class compartment, despite having the tickets,, and being pushed out of the train ,on protesting, changed an ordinary man into a Mahatama.

           Humiliation is always bitter. But one has to take care that it does not  end up making one poisonous. Easier said than done. Why do people humiliate others? I believe that it stems from the feeling of superiority and even a deep seated insecurity. Women have been physically and emotionally humiliated due to male dominance. Aparthied existed owing to the false superiority of white skin. Discriminatory behaviour basically provokes people to humiliate others.

            I may sound poetic at times and at times impractical but with my first hand experience with humiliation there are a few things I have learned. Humiliation cannot kill till one lets it. No one can reject you except you allow them . No opinion can be stronger than a person’s will. Life in essence moves on and one should do that too. Let pain carve deep in you not to contain the poison of bitterness but more and more joy. So for Saurav it’s time to move on . For me it was just a realisation that I have actually moved on from that period in my life .
[written on 9/10/08]

Point of no return

Sounds of several shots and the end to 6 lives. The bankcruptcy of the Lehman brothers and the after effects of the financial crisis were storming the whole world,and were a piece of news for people  like me, with no investments. The picture of American financers moving out of their offices with handful of possessions in cardboard boxes could not arouse much sympathy in my heart. Just a passing thought that a fall from the pinnacle can occur anytime and with anybody. Millionares can become paupers in a second .
This piece of news was not like any of the above. At first it seemed like a shocking after effect of the American financial crisis. The troubled times made a man kill his family and then himself. As I kept reading the details of the news a few things came in my mind. Mr. Rajaram was a Non-Resident Indian with a great academic career behind and a good amount of financial success to boast of. A family with bright kids. But yes a life in a foreign land. His employer who fired him in 2005 called him erratic and unreliable which contradicts the opinion of his college batchmate who described him as happy –go-lucky person. Both of them might be correct.The time between the college and America might have changed him. I can’t comment on the causes or the accuracy of my interpretation. However, what bothers me is the thought though these were tough times but the curve of his academics and career shows that he was not only intelligent but also tough. IIT education and making a life in America isn’t possible for a loser or a half hearted person. What is sad is that the situation proved tougher than him. I somehow relate it to the poor farmers committing suicide in Andhra..The similarity being the desperation and despair.
A few questions which raced through my mind is , in situations like these where do NRI’s get support from ?How difficult it is for people to stoop down and start all over again? Is the amount of loss more emotional than real? I ponder whether the loss was such that it would have killed him and his family had he not taken this step?Was it more the fear of loss of a decent financial and social status and a life of poverty?
May be his situation was tougher than I can ever imagine . In that case hats off to those who live beyond financial, emotional and physical tragedies.