Sunday, October 26, 2008

Inflaming insult

Inflaming insult
I wrote about humiliation and I encountered insult. Humiliation was the result of superiority complexes and discriminatory behaviour which usually had subduing adverse effects on the recipient. Insult on the contrary could come from anyone superior, subordinate or coordinate or even a stranger. Insult usually has a provoking effect and leads to dramatic scenes . The kind I enacted today. I was fuming and returned the shit with shit. This is contrary to my basic nature which I feel is all about sensible solutions . But I could not stick to it instead I did anger replacement. The reason I resorted to it because the person who insulted me was definitely subordinate and made a completely mannerless and defiant display of words. Though not abusive in nature but with the subtality that equated me to somebody worthless. Initially I ignored the behaviour but could not take the repetition. I did something which I definitely don’t feel proud about but anger took the better of me. For the past hour I was trying to rationalize my behaviour . Though mine was a very natural reaction . Still I felt that being so openly vocal about negative feelings never served any purpose . Most of the times it effected me adversely. Not in terms of some counter- action from the person but as it disturbed me a lot later on . It did the same today.Why did I lose all sensible rationality that I secretly feel proud about? How can I react to situations like these so that I convey my authority without losing calm? How do I solve situations without harming myself? Am I a pseudosensible? Why do I rationalize my doings ? The great thing is that at the end of this article I may come up with a positive sensible statement. How futile!
I intend to find a solution today that no insult can threaten my authority and personality and I don’t need to resort to primitive behaviour. My reaction was also a refusal to take non- sense and in those terms I was definitely right to act . The only thing I want from myself that I should react in a way that it gives me a strong ground and does not disturb me after the action is over.

Humming beyond humilition

Saurav Ganguly finally decided to take retirement from his cricketing career. This most successful test cricket captain of the country went through pretty troubled and controversial times in the recent past. The various forms of humilation he had been subjected to made him finally quit something he loved to do. All he hopes now is to have a decent exit. I relate with Saurav on the humiliation part and understand what humiliation can do to a person psychologically ,especially the talented and successful ones.

         While appreciation is like the caring sunlight under which the seeds sprout, flowers blossom and fruits ripen. Discouragement is like a dense cloud that shrouds the sun . Still this cloud has a silver lining and the chinks in the cloud would let the sun in sometimes. Keeping the hope alive. Demoralization is like dense clouds covering the sky and raining hard making it impossible for the sun to get in. Humiliation on the other hand is something that negates the validity of the seeds , the potential of the flowers and worth of the fruits. It sucks  the inner strength of the seed  leaving it  with an echo of  painful emptiness. The inner sense of worth is murdered .  The dead do not hope.The dead parts of body always necrose and shed off.So after being humiliated for a long long time one cannot expect to stay the same.Deep injuries heal by  ugly scars but most heidious is a mind scarred by memories of humiliation.

           However the beautiful  thing is that time heals all scars and as long as the soul is true .No amount of external psychological torture can disintegrate a strong willed spirit. Humiliation in essence stems from  a false belief of an intolerant person or group.They strongly attack the mental and emotional strength of another person in pursuit of this false belief . The greatest example that comes in my mind is the incident that transformed an Indian lawyer to become the torch bearer of the Indian independence movement. The bitterness of being denied a first class compartment, despite having the tickets,, and being pushed out of the train ,on protesting, changed an ordinary man into a Mahatama.

           Humiliation is always bitter. But one has to take care that it does not  end up making one poisonous. Easier said than done. Why do people humiliate others? I believe that it stems from the feeling of superiority and even a deep seated insecurity. Women have been physically and emotionally humiliated due to male dominance. Aparthied existed owing to the false superiority of white skin. Discriminatory behaviour basically provokes people to humiliate others.

            I may sound poetic at times and at times impractical but with my first hand experience with humiliation there are a few things I have learned. Humiliation cannot kill till one lets it. No one can reject you except you allow them . No opinion can be stronger than a person’s will. Life in essence moves on and one should do that too. Let pain carve deep in you not to contain the poison of bitterness but more and more joy. So for Saurav it’s time to move on . For me it was just a realisation that I have actually moved on from that period in my life .
[written on 9/10/08]

Point of no return

Sounds of several shots and the end to 6 lives. The bankcruptcy of the Lehman brothers and the after effects of the financial crisis were storming the whole world,and were a piece of news for people  like me, with no investments. The picture of American financers moving out of their offices with handful of possessions in cardboard boxes could not arouse much sympathy in my heart. Just a passing thought that a fall from the pinnacle can occur anytime and with anybody. Millionares can become paupers in a second .
This piece of news was not like any of the above. At first it seemed like a shocking after effect of the American financial crisis. The troubled times made a man kill his family and then himself. As I kept reading the details of the news a few things came in my mind. Mr. Rajaram was a Non-Resident Indian with a great academic career behind and a good amount of financial success to boast of. A family with bright kids. But yes a life in a foreign land. His employer who fired him in 2005 called him erratic and unreliable which contradicts the opinion of his college batchmate who described him as happy –go-lucky person. Both of them might be correct.The time between the college and America might have changed him. I can’t comment on the causes or the accuracy of my interpretation. However, what bothers me is the thought though these were tough times but the curve of his academics and career shows that he was not only intelligent but also tough. IIT education and making a life in America isn’t possible for a loser or a half hearted person. What is sad is that the situation proved tougher than him. I somehow relate it to the poor farmers committing suicide in Andhra..The similarity being the desperation and despair.
A few questions which raced through my mind is , in situations like these where do NRI’s get support from ?How difficult it is for people to stoop down and start all over again? Is the amount of loss more emotional than real? I ponder whether the loss was such that it would have killed him and his family had he not taken this step?Was it more the fear of loss of a decent financial and social status and a life of poverty?
May be his situation was tougher than I can ever imagine . In that case hats off to those who live beyond financial, emotional and physical tragedies.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

A thought...

Giving up a temporary tantrum is better than giving up on a long lasting relationship.

troubled tea rescue!

I was making tea today. The pan was small. The quantity of milk and water was almost reaching the brim. As it was getting boiled I recalled something else and moved out of the kitchen . When I returned it had come to a boil and the milk water mixture was frantically rising up threatening to spill. Oh! the tea leaves and sugar still to be added . I knew simmering won't help and not even trying to blow air. I didnt want it to spill on the burner. So i just took the pan off the burner and added tea leaves and sugar as the craziness in the pan subsided. A little while later the pan was back on the burner and nice tea was ready without any spillage.

This little exercise reminded me something important while I sipped the tea. Just a moving away for a while from something that evokes negative emotions could ease out things and prevent any embarssing and regretful outbursts.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Moving on

My mother has trouble sleeping these days. She came in the living room that day and lied down on the sofa. I was reading there. I sat beside her as if I was going to read her a piece from Paoulo Coehlo's 'LIKE THE FLOWING RIVER'. She waited to listen with closed eyes. I didn't read. She opened her eyes and then went back to sleep again. I kept watching her by her side. Suddenly I mused there was a time when I could be held in the expanse of her folded arms. All I knew was her eyes and face. All I could do was look at her , smile , yawn and ofcourse cry.Every action would fill her heart with love and she would never get tired of feeding me cleaning me. All she wants now is my presence to sooth her. So evident by how beautifully she slept on the sofa because I was sitting by her side. But I will have to go soon. The life which is routine today will just be a memory. A lovely one. She is fighting against the lonliness that would come inevitably. Desperately trying to hold on......something we all have to go through in our lives as life simply moves on.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Left unfinished

Danny is still missing. Sleep deprived Asra and Marriane try to figure out the trail frantically..... Mortenson watches the clear blue sky and the eagle soar as he wakes up to realise his defeat by the K2...... Hatsumomu explains the intricacies of wearing a kimono, as she dresses up for her day.... Robert Langdon fled from the Louvre........Gogol enjoys living with his new girlfriend admiring the kind of freedom her parents give her.......Lance Amstrong been diagnosed to have testicular cancer with metastasis...... Bill Bryson started explaining the beginning of the universe...sigh dont remember where i left Howard Roark...........
Well lots of books for me to finish..... could you figure out ?

Friday, August 15, 2008

Emptying for more

The pictures were flashing on the screen. Every Indian who would have seen it would have let out a word of amazed happiness. I was'nt an exception. Then they focused on Abhinav Bindra. Well being a guy I did'nt expect him to do a cupping of face act with amazemnent like the Miss India turning Miss Universe. It woulnt have been wrong if he would rolled on the floor and even if he would have done "Chahe mujhe koi junglee kahe " act . But he was composed. And a little too composed that it was the only thing I was noticing. He flashed a meagre smile. I was a little clueless. Has it not sink in him yet that he has done that no Indian has done yet.

I did notice right and Bindra's interview answered it. He stated to feel an emptiness that was left after the feat and may be it dawned him that life would move on from this point. May be ,when one works for something with such great devotion and dedication that it absorbs every miniscule of conscious and subconcious existence, achievement equates with loss of purpose. Those who can't handle emptiness fill it with greater goals. May be that is the story of compulsive achievers.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I entered the restaurent and it seemed like a women dominated world. On the right hand side there was a gang of eight chirpy gals.. celebarting the birthday of one of them( The one who was unwrapping the tiny gifts).They were a little too noisy for my ear drums. on the left there was a triad of girls. These were a bit older than the , just out of school, eight bunch. I got seated. Just behind me was the kitty party group of the homemakers all middle aged. Since I was sitting with my back to them ,I could not observe them any further. I had fish on my mind. Wanted to relish fish with lemon and coriander sauce. To my dismay fish wasn't available. But ironically I felt I was in the fish market. The eight were still enthusistic in there never ending conversations complimented with giggles and accentuated by exclamations ,continued distracting me from the menu card. The triad weren't noisy but they were in focus when i tried to look away from the eight. Then entered a 'six' of saree clad women. Nice replicas of Ekta Kapoor's serial... one of them whose weight had refused decrease after her previous pregnancy , delicatly carried the now 1 year old baby girl. They seemed to be completely out of conversation, may be sobered by the in law effect.I felt a little relaxed by there scanty whispered conversations and had finally decidedon the menu. Amidst the din, surprisingly, I was still able to recognize the song whose instrumental was miserably trying to surface over the bubbly feminine voices.
As i started to eat the chicken that replaced the desired fish, a few more gals walked in. The number kept on increasing and till it reached 11. Good they couldnt find a place to accomodate all.However they stood a little behind me , a few of them seated, discussing the alternate places they could go. All of a sudden i felt surrounded .Women of all ages just talking away , as if they wont have a second oppurtunity after this sunday afternoon. By now the baby gal has also started crying.
It sure had turned to be a noisy lunch. Then for a silly second I wondered why was I so destressed. The noisy gals were just a group of friends enjoying . The kinds I used to be a part of. But as one grows up and moves on in life, one gets lesser and lesser oppurtunities for such gatherings. So for the rest of the time i enjoyed my lunch and smiled at the thought of the noisy gatherings me and my friends had in college.

Friday, August 1, 2008

The Pink Link

Yesterday I stepped in Shopper's Stop outlet ( ya I was shopping again :D) and I noticed the Aerosmith song floating..."Pink........ " while I was actually looking at a pretty pink top. And suddenly I was enlightened... wish I could see the spark in my eyes while I was actually amused at the relevance of the lyrics which sounded so weird I heard it the first time long time ago. Well pink is for gals and blue is for boys ( the gender color code). Since time immemorial I doted on blue and ended up buying all the blue shades from my wardrobe to pencil boxes and coffee mugs. For unknown reasons i never bought or owned anything pink. Wasn't ever keen at it. I wasn't a tomboy. But no barbie or baby pinks for me.
This year pink peeped in and seeped in around me silently. My asthetic senses increased after exams and I redecorated my room. Only to realise that I bought pink curtains, pink bedsheets, pillow covers and even pink doormat. I walk in sony store to buy a laptop and its sony viao I decide upon and the only model at the shop that time is Luxury pink and I end up buying it.So whats the relevance of jotting it down? worthless peice of information may be. I don't care . Pink stands for beauty, grace and goodness .There is a whole lot it represents.From gender to wisdom.

Though the song got the idea boiling to write about it .... but it evaporated . Three months back I bought a hibiscus plant .Though mum insisted on buying the one which had already flowered( wise thing to do), but i bought a healthier looking one with no display of the secret color it would flower to. So........this morning it flowered and Aerosmith echoed in my head.....

"Pink it´s my new obsession Pink it´s not even a question
...........Pink gets me high as a kite. And I think everything is going to be all right"

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

22nd July 2008

The decisive day of the not so clear, Nuclear deal ( I am so tempted to write Noclear deal). After Arushi murder case that unified the news channels, it's another day of National integrity. The Parliament live in your living room. The magic number of 272. The destress call pulling the ailing and the jailing MP's.The "jan hit" claiming MP's when asked about the deal long for a hi(y)de act.Particularly amusing was Govinda's 'Lal dant Manjan' smile on the query and the hilarious claim that it would take hours to explain the deal . Dharma ji and chichi look upon party seniors for answering such clueless questions , they just absolutely side the' desh ka hit'.
The Maya magic emerging. Laloo so vocal about his PM dreams. Well ,Rahul Gandhi did make people listen after all. There was a disclosure of bribary too. A BJP MP entered the parliament with a bag full of currency claiming he has been bribed. The drama goes on.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Question it!!

My mom and I decided to shop today.We chose to go to the shopping Mall. It was the first shopping mall in the city and belongs to the Sahara India group. The busiest part of it being the four floors dedicated to the Big Bazaar. I never liked going in there. Firstly, cos it was about shopping grocieries and household stuff( which was definitely not my idea of fun ,after my hectic hospital schedule, which as such allowed me rare outings). Second, it was always overcrowded. Kids fitted on the trolleys looked cute. But carrying those trolleys through the goods and stuff lanes sometimes felt like driving through a traffic jam. Thirdly, it took ages to get the bills made . So I preferred to explore other stores like Biba ,Mark n Spencers and Pantaloons or resigned to the eating outlets on the top floor.

Being on a vacation these days and taking a break from being a specialist, I am trying to look at things in a different way. Besides since my mind ain't preoccupied with patients , I try observing and questioning things with an open mind . Trying to be a generalist to be precise. So I helped mom shop today and yes i know exactly what to buy. And while waiting for the bills to be made I observe people.

After the bill was made , the young lad at the counter asked " Mam , will you like to donate one ruppee for the childrens fund". I nodded reflexly. Then next moment I realized that its been several times this way. I was a bit curious. I shot back" hey wht kind of childrens fund? Can I get the details?" He was clueless at the unexpected question and directed me to the inquiry counter. I don't know what got into me I went there and asked the same. The same situation there too. No clue . I was directed to some Mr. Vishal on the second floor.Hmm.... my explorers spirit dampened a little but it triggered a mental calculation.' Big Bazzar is a chain of retail stores.... so may be there are approximately 100 such... if a minimum of 100 people shop there everyday...... it would amount to a sum 10 grands a day and 3 lacs amonth.... and does a childrens fund actually exist?.... well it went on till i reached home.

While sipping coffe from a the newly purchased mug, I googled about Big Bazaar. Hell I would have walked in there several times and I never knew that it belongs to the Pantaloon Retail India limited. I had no idea there was any link between Pantaloons and Big Bazaar. Then the name in the next line... Kishore Biyani. It sounded familiar. I ran to the book shelf .... it was there .My dad who loves buying books had this too and I was right. It was the tale of the Big Bazaar. It was about its founder Kishore Biyani. I have been at the book since evening. It's entitled " It Happened In India". While I am enjoying the read I would like to quote Mr. Kishore Biyani....

"Looking back ,I think that someone grows and starts to learn and understand life , he starts to question as well.At a very early stage one starts creating mental models to interpret various observations.At that point, if one finds that what he has learned on his own is different from what is being practised in reality, he tries to distinguish right from the wrong.He soon starts to seek answers to everything and then life transforms.I feel having an attitude of questioning everything is important.Until one questions the established way of doing things, one won't be able to come up with something new."

So friends , question it!! and may be I would check on Mr. Vishal on the second floor next time

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The art of falling!

What does Rachel Smith and Crystle Stewart have in common? Both were crowned Miss America. Thats not it. Both proved the Law of gravity. Yes , Miss America fell again in the Miss Universe contest. I know thats not a news anymore. Rachel Smith got the unwanted fame at You tube in 2007. Crystle Stewart joined the Hall of Fame. Trust me theres a new video on You Tube comparing the two falls.( I am sure you will check this one out).
These graceful gals collected their composures in a jiffy , thanks to the way they are groomed for the competition. Crystle Stewart's regaining her height clapping made me feel that she might actually have amused herself. I wonder if people would be betting on Miss America falling next year and whether the next Miss America will give in the pressure.(If she does that would be History!)
When people fall others laugh. Thats not mean actually thats good. Trust me what is really painful when no one laughs. I remember falling off the Library stairs in my freshman year at med school. Just after the ragging period when we were allowed to wear casuals again. I went off to the library alone and managed to tumble down the stairs. It was a wonderful fall ,took a few minutes to gather myself again. How I wished somebody was there to laugh. The seniors and the batchmates who witnessed my unexpected stunt were graceful enough to spare me. But I wish they would have laughed. There was this batchmate of mine, she forgot a simple rule. When you sneak in or out of the lecture hall be invisible. She entered late. Tried to find a suitable place in the lecture hall ( by the way the lecture hall was similar to that in Munna Bhai MBBS) and she figured out a sit at last row( that means the topmost). And just as she reached there it happened! She proved what goes up comes down. She went tak! tak !tak!..... and on the floor startling the Professor of Physiology. Oh! poor thing we pitied her.
While you read it, you might recall a similar incident and may be smile at yourselve.There was no moral purpose of writing the article. Just the idea of the gravity's favourite trick on the gorgeous gals fascinated me.( I know you have watched the video before finishing to read the article.) So the next time you walk just remember that gravity may prove itself again and if does just make sure to put on the best smile you have!!

Saturday, July 12, 2008


When i was a kid , monday evenings on the national television aired a children's programme called 'NANHE MUNHE' . I watched with great delight when school children of my age and younger did those cute group dances and sang out of tune songs. The world has taken a giant leap since then . I am awstriken when I see little boys and gals singing all possible hindi songs in perfect 'sur' and on top of that match up the latkas and jhtakas of bollywood. With their mesmirising talent and pure innocence the entire act is hypnotising. No wonder the reality shows are the best bet after an undying era of saas bahu potrayals. From the bindi's to blouses the reality shows were a real fresh breath or air. But excess of nothing is good. And when something sells there are a lot of rats. I mean a rat race. So no wonder the myriad channels are plagued by
a mascarade of reality shows.
I know what humiliation is. During my post graduation days in med school I have faced it. But to be a kid . To face humiliation on National television after an awesome performance . I dont see the relevance. I can't relate with parents. What for are we pushing are children and why on earth we are pushing childhood out of their lives.
When Shinjini got paralysed the sitution became grave. Are few seconds of fame so important. Hell !there are so many reality shows and so many winners, I have lost track of them and definitely can't remember the names. So people simply forget. People have short term memories.
I have vague memory of what a little girl said, in a world convention on environment ,in context of the way earth is getting polluted. She said if things were to be like this maybe our posterity would'nt even know what butterflies are. But my fear is greater what if the future generations don't know what childhood is. We can device drugs to do away with wrinkles and retain libido's but where will we recover a lost childhood from??

Friday, July 11, 2008

Crpc 125 the right of maintanace in live in relationships

Last month a new law came into existence that gave the right of maintenance to a live in partner.This implied that a women who lives with a man without legal marriage would be entitled to maintenance in case the man leaves her, same as a wife is.I watched a discussion on the topic on a channel that invited a supreme court lawyer, a clinical psychologist and a social geographer ( all women). While the clinical psychologist was concentrating on the misuse of such law by females to harass men and that the more needy would not get benefitted, the lawyer and the social geographer were more convinced that people would be more intrested in getting married now as this law would prevent them from taking live-in relation casually.
The thing that live-in relationships are getting popular was explained by the fact that the present generation is getting 'committment phobic' and may be some clinical condition may soon be coined to define the same as it is getting common. The educated men and women tend to delay marriage definitely for carreer reasons. To be free from emotional demands might be so very welcome . May be its more about choosing the better emotions , lesser hassels and no pain. It is amazing to live in a society where matrimonials are still classified according to caste and laws are passed regarding live-in relations. But it doesn't seem so weird as we still walk on roads where we can see rickshaws and the latest brand of cars, burka clad women and young gals sporting low waist jeans , road side thelas in front of the mall. The charming coexistence simplified chaos. So I was talking about live- in relationships. I would call it wanting to become a mother without labour pains ( well as the joke goes people talk their work).
The law being misused was an issue in the discussion and the amusing counter point was that why are indian women thought to have such criminal minds and to be blood suckers. The law is needed to protect women and the for the fear that it might be misused and not reach the ones who need it doesnt mean the laws should not be made.
It is a personal choice what kind of relatioship one has to be in. The circumstances and perceptions differ. But there are so many times out of certain emotional perceptions one comes into a relationship. So many times the emotions may not be similar and the male counterpart may be casual about the whole thing. In such circumstances such a law could come to rescue and besides that it gives a kind of legality to a newer form of human relationship. Well modernization and individualism has taken us from a world of joint families to nuclear families and now live in relatioships. The world is changing . But i dont think the emotions we try to stay away from , we can actually do without them. Love is so sought after. But never comes hassel free..... and when one decides to have a family things are not happily everafter. I can't do without my family. I wonder what the world without actual families would be like.
As women are concerned. I have high doubts about their being modern. They may be in a new avtaar but intrisically things are pretty old fashioned. The National Council of Women has introduced this law . I feel it was an intelligent way of telling men that they rather marry and get into relatioship that has a social and parental sanction.


This is my attempt to soar above confusions. To have an opinion of 'my own'. Pure ,untouched , uninfluenced.

Sunday, May 18, 2008


Flowers that dont wilt shall never be truly beautiful .....


Don't understimate your confusions or be overwhelmed by them. Confusions shall

lead to clarity and clarity shall let you conquer.

Just a thought

The funny thing is that life is wild and unpredictable. The funnier thing is that we still try to plan it out. The funniest thing is that we despair when our plans fail !!