I wrote about humiliation and I encountered insult. Humiliation was the result of superiority complexes and discriminatory behaviour which usually had subduing adverse effects on the recipient. Insult on the contrary could come from anyone superior, subordinate or coordinate or even a stranger. Insult usually has a provoking effect and leads to dramatic scenes . The kind I enacted today. I was fuming and returned the shit with shit. This is contrary to my basic nature which I feel is all about sensible solutions . But I could not stick to it instead I did anger replacement. The reason I resorted to it because the person who insulted me was definitely subordinate and made a completely mannerless and defiant display of words. Though not abusive in nature but with the subtality that equated me to somebody worthless. Initially I ignored the behaviour but could not take the repetition. I did something which I definitely don’t feel proud about but anger took the better of me. For the past hour I was trying to rationalize my behaviour . Though mine was a very natural reaction . Still I felt that being so openly vocal about negative feelings never served any purpose . Most of the times it effected me adversely. Not in terms of some counter- action from the person but as it disturbed me a lot later on . It did the same today.Why did I lose all sensible rationality that I secretly feel proud about? How can I react to situations like these so that I convey my authority without losing calm? How do I solve situations without harming myself? Am I a pseudosensible? Why do I rationalize my doings ? The great thing is that at the end of this article I may come up with a positive sensible statement. How futile!
I intend to find a solution today that no insult can threaten my authority and personality and I don’t need to resort to primitive behaviour. My reaction was also a refusal to take non- sense and in those terms I was definitely right to act . The only thing I want from myself that I should react in a way that it gives me a strong ground and does not disturb me after the action is over.