It’s a busy world bound by a routines and schedules .People constantly nag about lack of time. I don’t know about others but there are times when I find myself searching for someone to talk to. When I am not that busy and I find timeout of ‘my routine’. Nothing could be more frustrating and miserable then finding that the free time isn’t of any use as I really don’t have anyone to share it with. Besides I feel bad about disturbing others. So many times I resist to contact fearing I might disturb them.
One can cry alone but laughing alone isn’t funny. People complain on being alone in hard times. Isn’t it obvious by the nature of the situation that the hardship lessons will have to be learned alone? Fortunate people have friends to share the load. The tricky situation is being alone in happiness and success . I would agree some people won’t mind that too. Others would buy or lure company .That is a superficial avoiding of the fact of lack of people who truly care. At the end of all exploration people just want care and love , even though they might be miserly in giving that to others. Today something similar was happening as I wanted to get in touch with a few caring friends only to realise that I was disturbing them. I recalled a friend of mine who was terminally ill. He suffered from Hodgkin’s lymphoma and was undergoing chemotherapy and and had stem cell transplant. His name was Aman ( Ironically same as the name of the character played by Shahrukh Khan in ‘Kal ho na ho’). He had an amazing positive attitude sometimes I sounded miserable and so out of tune with life . He never showed his despair except on one occasion he mentioned that he has nothing to do and everyone else was busy with their lives. He had mailed me his therapy regime from London where he had gone for a stem cell transplant. I thought he did that because am a doctor . Today I feel may be he had nothing else to send .His entire life was wrapped around chemotherapy and it’s side effects. At that point of time I was busy being miserable about the inhuman demands of my post graduate programme never to realise how fortunate I was. I could console myself that ‘its just a phase and I will live beyond it’ .He didn’t have that luxury. We got out of touch and then one day I learned that he passed away . Today I tried to fathom the kind of lonliness he would have been fighting.
We live with the notion that the busier we get the more important we are and more acceptable to people. We try to calculate relationships .Though we dream of unconditional love and concern , the truth is unconditional feelings are the most difficult to understand and to accept. Our insecurities grow .We scrutinize it and try a frantic search for ulterior motives.Our spheres of communications have increased but people avoid reaching out. All time goes concentrating on the perishable and we fail to find time to laugh with a friend. Nothing is more soothing than a the voice and touch of a friend. So may be I end up disturbing people but its just an attempt to stay in touch. I should not get overwhelmed by it .It’s just an attempt to stay in touch. This is all that matters.