This is an insane one I can't stop myself from writing. A few days back I was telling a certain friend of mine that my cousin had a love marriage. He quipped ' Love marriage is an oxymoron you moron!' Well he represents a typical case of a 'non-believer' in the institution of marriage. I have serious doubts that had he got a chance he would have talked his parents out of getting married and would have never been born ( thats too much of contemplation I know!) . We harbour a lot of such 'non-believers' in our nation which is represented as a haven of ' never ending marriage ceremonies' by our very own 'home grown miracle worker' Ekta Kapoor. I wonder why IPCC(Intergovernmental Panel on Climate change) is not apologising on the blunderous omission of the eye floods of our soap opera queens from sea level estimation. At the rate they flow per episode I think they definitely can add to the effect of global warming.
Anyways despite the trendy and humorous 'non-believers', who sometimes have great logic to support their case,I would not brood over the validity of the institution of marriage. It doesn't bother me that much what really bothers me is the additional charges of getting married ,which usually and essentially falls on the bride's shelter. By the time the last ritual is followed and swallowed ,the marriage hurricane leaves the bride's shelter all helter -skelter. Mind you though some 'bride shelter's' turn into Bangladesh coast , hit by cyclones every now and then. A very witty senior of mine in college once said ' a girl never cuts her umbilical cord' and I would add that after marriage it gets connected to intermittent sucking machine that works on 'pressure' principle. The well being of a daughter is is directly proportional to the 'ransom' the 'ladakiwale' can pay to their' revered extortionists'. Besides that her life is secure only when she produces a son. Of course the 'extortionist' would never want to be in their 'victim's' shoes.
When the Mittals throw a lavish wedding they know they have the right to it ( and of cos the pocket). But when it makes news and spreads to the lower rungs of the society forcing those who can't afford to 'show off ' then it gets grave. The marriage market is a booming one and all the glitter and gloss is just increasing relentlessly. So much that the dowry demands are unbelievably high even in the hand to mouth section of the society. Accidentally burned brides isn't a thing of the past yet. What aches more than anything is that the level of education hasn't improved anything. The men ,who talk of broadmindedness when it comes to flings ,would never say no to a dowry. Let's be euphemistic those are just 'gifts '. what does it matter if the gift list was the groomed by the groom clan and that it sucked the last ounce of blood from the 'father of the bride'.
What kind of society we live in where such a large scale plunder goes on uninterrupted ? Lets not talk about the society . Whats wrong with our generation? We belong to a generation of professionals who marry in there late twenties amd early thirties ( both guys and girls) with well settled careers and good earnings. Then why still follow these exploitative customs. Why is it that the guys who clear the most prestigious civil services examination become the 'costliest items' in the ' marriage market'. Ironically they are the brightest and the most progressive minds in the country . Why do they become so regressive that instead of looking for a compatible companion they put themselves up for auction? I fail to understand . It just seems tragic to me.
I see no point in wasting money and resources in flashy weddings . A court marriage seems quite neat to me. I am not against matrimonial rituals. They are essential in a societal sense . Individual perception may vary. The bothersome fact is the meaning of those rituals is lost and just the rat race of being the flashiest is on. I believe a simple ,affordable warm ritualistic marriage is always welcome. What I want to add on this is when we grow old enough to earn and where both the partners are financially stable then there should be no need to burden parents. Just their consent and blessings should steer the couple into a new life. The expenses of the ceremony should be jointly shared by the couple. That is what I call broad-mindedness and true companionship.
( Wondering why ain't there any self help guides on ducking the dowry dracula ... or am I the first one to think of it .....:-/)
Anyways despite the trendy and humorous 'non-believers', who sometimes have great logic to support their case,I would not brood over the validity of the institution of marriage. It doesn't bother me that much what really bothers me is the additional charges of getting married ,which usually and essentially falls on the bride's shelter. By the time the last ritual is followed and swallowed ,the marriage hurricane leaves the bride's shelter all helter -skelter. Mind you though some 'bride shelter's' turn into Bangladesh coast , hit by cyclones every now and then. A very witty senior of mine in college once said ' a girl never cuts her umbilical cord' and I would add that after marriage it gets connected to intermittent sucking machine that works on 'pressure' principle. The well being of a daughter is is directly proportional to the 'ransom' the 'ladakiwale' can pay to their' revered extortionists'. Besides that her life is secure only when she produces a son. Of course the 'extortionist' would never want to be in their 'victim's' shoes.
When the Mittals throw a lavish wedding they know they have the right to it ( and of cos the pocket). But when it makes news and spreads to the lower rungs of the society forcing those who can't afford to 'show off ' then it gets grave. The marriage market is a booming one and all the glitter and gloss is just increasing relentlessly. So much that the dowry demands are unbelievably high even in the hand to mouth section of the society. Accidentally burned brides isn't a thing of the past yet. What aches more than anything is that the level of education hasn't improved anything. The men ,who talk of broadmindedness when it comes to flings ,would never say no to a dowry. Let's be euphemistic those are just 'gifts '. what does it matter if the gift list was the groomed by the groom clan and that it sucked the last ounce of blood from the 'father of the bride'.
What kind of society we live in where such a large scale plunder goes on uninterrupted ? Lets not talk about the society . Whats wrong with our generation? We belong to a generation of professionals who marry in there late twenties amd early thirties ( both guys and girls) with well settled careers and good earnings. Then why still follow these exploitative customs. Why is it that the guys who clear the most prestigious civil services examination become the 'costliest items' in the ' marriage market'. Ironically they are the brightest and the most progressive minds in the country . Why do they become so regressive that instead of looking for a compatible companion they put themselves up for auction? I fail to understand . It just seems tragic to me.
I see no point in wasting money and resources in flashy weddings . A court marriage seems quite neat to me. I am not against matrimonial rituals. They are essential in a societal sense . Individual perception may vary. The bothersome fact is the meaning of those rituals is lost and just the rat race of being the flashiest is on. I believe a simple ,affordable warm ritualistic marriage is always welcome. What I want to add on this is when we grow old enough to earn and where both the partners are financially stable then there should be no need to burden parents. Just their consent and blessings should steer the couple into a new life. The expenses of the ceremony should be jointly shared by the couple. That is what I call broad-mindedness and true companionship.
( Wondering why ain't there any self help guides on ducking the dowry dracula ... or am I the first one to think of it .....:-/)
In one word.... stupendous! All the young guys should be made to read this piece, simply to "shake" up their "modern" identity and give them a much needed push!!!Kudos for a truly wonderful succinct article to address an issue which is close to the heart of "most" parents ( because on an average every 8 parent out of 10 has a daughter). I hope that you will now address other serious issues plaguing our society in the same vigorous vein!!! I am glad to be your big bro.
ReplyDeleteNicely resrearched with everyday observations with wonderful analogies! But it is not only the guys who are to be blamed.. the so called "ladkiwale" themselves many a times want to purchase their daughters the best groom available in the market. They don't turn their daughters into assets but simply a liability; daughters many a times themselves want a heavy showoff to enhance their prestige among friends & family. Why can't the girl deny to marry any guy who seems to be greedy in the very first meeting? Why girls don't settle down for average looking & comparatively less earning guys who are good in character & understanding? Why these girls turn so docile towards every unnecessary demand? THe REason -- They too harbour lust of lifelong comforts & a higher stature on their sides. I strongly believe if the girl & her family is positively resolved against dowry & settle the conditions of marriarge-contract very clearly, groom's family can in no ways compell them to their unjust damands. The one who suffers silently under exploitation is a greater sinner than one who exploits her/him.
ReplyDeleteGlad to kmow that silent revolution from your side has begun!
(ERA)
well said girl!
ReplyDeletebravo bravo bravo! hear hear! i agree with every letter, every word, every sentence. Couldn't help but chuckle at some very funny observations. It is incredible how conventional, how totally immersed in shallow appearances, how medieval we are in our social practices.
ReplyDeletewell though your thoughts and views are still exists we should also keep in our mind that our country is learning slowly and stdadily so is the marriage system. We need to think about Rajaram Mohan Rai.I know a person who tied the wedding knot which was construed as "against" the marriage principles.But there are people who are silently doing this revolution, hats off to them, The message is "india is growing so is the social values".We hope for the better.But my kudos for this wonderful writing.Hats off to you!
ReplyDeletegdharram@yaoo.com