EXPECTANT FATHERS

 I read this tremendously interesting post by the premium blogger Krish Ashok -The Expectant Father.

'Expecting', I guess, is a cool term  for the whole ordeal of harbouring , nurturing , labouring and finally birthing a brand new human being. Most of the  events of 9 months are  associated with the mother(for obvious reasons).The fathers are somewhere in the backdrop. The natural responsibility and the priviledge of childbirth has been bestowed on women and clearly the post highlighted the dilemma of the male of the species to figure out where to butt in.

Since my work deals with the glowing , growing , groaning and finally going to labour rooms 'would- be- moms' I inevitably interact with  and observe the ‘Expectant fathers’('EF'). This brilliant post triggered in me the desire to organize my observations and highlight the expectant fathers, while the real work is being done by the wonderful moms .

THE JITTERY 'EF'- These are the shivering kinds .They are on their toes since the conception and are an obstetrician’s nightmare. Give them your number and they would make your life miserable. Such EF’s would enter the hospital yelling  more than their wives and demanding attention and creating so much fuss that you would think it’s time to take the mommy to the labour room. But don’t lose your better senses and stay calm. It might just be a 3 months pregnancy with an unrelated gastric pain.

THE CLUELESS SHADOW 'EF'-  These are usually young guys in early twenties and have a battalion of concerned relatives.Sometimes accompanied by an elder male who is a ‘padosi’ or a ‘relative’ who has some remote knowledge of medicine and no knowledge of childbirth .But he uses his 'antennas' to grasp all the messages you convey, regarding the plan of delivery and the condition of the mother and the baby. In the middle of the long drawn information you search for the EF ... “who is the husband... I need him to sign here ...” and he finally emerges from the dense population of relatives with a scared distant look and probably with cobwebs in his throat for not having spoken for eternity .

THE TOO CONCERNED 'EF'- He  won’t leave his wife and every five minutes he would ask ‘what’s happening. ...Is everything ok’ with a worried face. You need to teach them relaxation techniques or intimidate them to stay quiet until spoken to.

THE SLEEPY-HEAD 'EF'- These are exact opposites of former category. They suffer from perpetual sleep deprivation and would drop dead snoring at the least opportunity. While the wife moans and groans he would come to tell you the problem and then snooze.Around an hour later emerge again with the same complaint and you would give him the breaking news that all concerns have been attended and the drugs would show effect soon. He will snooze again.

THE ABSENTEE 'EF'-These are navy men, army men, touring men.... and men who are in a long distant relationship with their  wives, during the pregnancy ,as the' would- be -mother' has shifted to 'her mother' for the much needed care ... and then she lands up in labour away from the expected date.The EF gives moral support via telecommunication. Long live technology.

THE RTI ACTIVIST ' EF'-This one enters the hospital and would engage you with conversations of unrelated idealism. Fault finding would be a characteristic. For the nine months he may have neglected to take his wife for proper check-ups but he would have the exact formula how to run a hospital well and provide super-sonic speed services and five star comfort even when he is  paying for the economy class. When they leave they would leave a long ‘Chitthi’ of complains . But then you are really relieved that he finally left. In all the while he was not too concerned about the wife or the baby and while she struggled to feed the newborn he was busy fiddling with the laptop.

THE SUSPICIOUS 'EF'-The name says it. He would be full of doubts for whatever you say or do. He would take eons to give consents for procedures and would refuse to understand an emergency situation.He would inevitably think that the obstetrician has mastered malpractice . He would bring in a distant relative doctor who would give advice on the management plan.He would be keen to file a lawsuit at any opportunity and would never be grateful no matter how hard you work for the mother and the baby.However characteristically he would keep coming back  even after the delivery and would demand medical attention . That’s one leech of a situation.

THE WELL-READ 'EF'- They surprise you with the immense knowledge they have gained via internet and books while their wives were growing through the nine months . They would make sure to understand everything that is going on and always make an informed decision.

THE FRIENDLY 'EF'- They are happy being in the hospital. They are extremely happy when the baby comes.By the time the baby comes they have become friends with everyone in the hospital. They could be seen distributing extra sweets to all their’' hospital acquired friends' .

THE COOL 'EF'- They are simply cool ! Neither hassled nor create hassel. They take it as it comes .They would keep the atmosphere light and make the wife smile through her tears.


I saved the best for  the last and with this one I conclude the list.

THE DOTING' EF'- You admire the guy for his presence and patience . He is a lion . He would stand by his wife through the ordeal (even when she kicks and curses him while she labours). He would take up a fight with you if you fail to give enough attention to his lioness and expectant cub. But he would however patch up soon and give you a sunshine thank you when you hand him over his cub. This one would take care of the smallest details .He would even tag along you on the rounds just to get entry in the  NICU to spend some more time with his little one who needs intensive care.