Friday, February 4, 2011

The story was about to end. This was a predictable end  and I was still wondering why was the story so highly rated on indiblogger.More so why did I even put in the effort? But after some space there were two lines in the end . As I was about to scroll down and pay attention to those two lines my phone rang.

  It was an international call from an old college friend. A study partner and close to heart friend. But I was not smiling I looked at the phone and her name flashing for sometime. Finally made up my mind to pick the call . Her familiar voice. She was beginning to say something and suddenly realising something stumbled and asked " first tell me how are u?" I replied that I was fine. The call was distant but I felt my heart was more distant from her then ever. I don't remember  anymore how special she was to me . How many silly hours we spent talking philosophy, dreams , reading alchemist and Kahlil Gibran's work to each other. Then one day she pointed to an advertisement in the newspaper and asked me "what do you see?". I just saw two kids with candies in there hand .She pointed out that the sizes differed and the one with smaller candy was looking very longingly at the bigger candy. It took me years to grasp what she said later-- "this is the real philosophy life'.
     The green monster crept her heart without warning and ifelt it's presence when it was too late for me to recover from her accusations. She tormented herself and in the process stiffled our friendship. My success in her eyes became her failure and for me it was difficult to handle. I worked hard but hurting my close friend was not on my list. The togetherness ended with one sentence that scalded me for a long long time. I found solace in a virtual word , in my books and writings. In three years hence never came an apology or a word from her. As my wounds healed and things changed I rationalised that misundertsndings should not overshadow a beautiful friendship. There was a genuine effort from my side. It worked . We were talking and sharing again. However things never could be the same because seeds of jealousy never leave. I suddenly found myself trying to reach out and finding improper responses. Since I believe in being loyal and keeping friends I did not change. Past one year made me realise the second chance I gave to this friendship was not worth the effort and things can never be the same. Sometimes making me wonder was she ever a friend ! She moved to US and mailed me sometimes. When she needed help she always called else she wouldn't bother to contact.  As she was talking on the phone somehow all this was silently moving in my head as a background score. There was a kind of indifference and detachment that had seeped in me. I was trying hard to decipher the purpose of her call. Seemingly marriage and immigration was giving her a feeling of  being uprooted and a recent encounter with in-laws at a family wedding had left a bitter taste in her mouth. She was endlessly going on with her story. On one hand I was feeling angry and uneasy for being served all those miserable stories so late at night when I was sleepy and that I was still listening to her when I know that she isn't the same anymore. But on the other hand I felt sorry for her. I kind of understood her inner struggle. That severe identity crisis she was going through. Reluctantly though I still gave her a pep talk in my capacity but somehow poured in sarcasm which she couldn't miss. I tried to figure out what could make her feel better. Though single I tried to pacify her with examples of in laws of other friends . How they handle them . It was a weird conversation as in my head I was constantly reeling between hitting her on the soft spot (and making her pay for all the unpleasant feelings she gave and being indifferent to her plight )and really trying to give her  a fresh breath and a new thought. We talked for around an hour and as I was silly tired by then I ended the call.

 As I was winding up my things I suddenly recalled  the last two lines of the story still to be read . To my surprise after all that paranormal crap it wasn't a predictable story after all! The title of the story was intrestingly " The Last Number Dialled" . The author's reflection gave me a little insight into what I was beginning to lose sight of.... (if I may quote with credits to the blog author)

AUTHOR’S REFLECTION: Life might give you the second chance or it might not. But you definitely can give yourself that second chance. When it comes to relationships, don’t make hurried decisions and if you make them, make those decisions work. ( link to the story )

    I am still musing at this subtle coincidence . However in all probability despite all the contradictions in my head I know relationships/ friendships  go through phases and it's not easy to snap out of them .Perhaps it's all about holding on when it comes to long term ones.

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